With so much going on, and anxiety and stress at an all time high for many of us, it’s no wonder lots of us don’t feel like having sex. So if this is how you’re feeling, know you’re not alone. Lack of desire, or wanting sexual experiences is something that many couples have reported, and with what we know about desire this isn’t really a surprise. We have a blurring of our work/home lives and no shift or difference between the two and this can hinder us in getting in the right headspace for sex.
The context change that we normally have helps us to think about a certain space ( usually the bedroom ) as a sexual place, whereas now for many it has also become their office, living room and space for them to have some alone time. Distraction is also a real passion killer, and it’s quite hard not to be distracted if we can’t physically escape all of the things on our to-do-list because they are in our bedroom too.
The solution: Make space for sex
Desire needs to be triggered or cued in some way, as contrary to what many of us think – that we should it spontaneously and out of the blue – it is actually responsive. As a couple, make space for it, organise a space in your home for the evening. You could move the bedding to the floor, change the feel of the room with lighting, and turn off your tech.
Focusing on each other, with touch, kissing, eye-contact and connecting will help you to shift into that more sensual and sexual space, and separating that from everything else you have going on will really help you to relax into it.
